CREAMED

Few news stories have given me as much pleasure in recent days as the reports that curly-haired car cock Jeremy Clarkson was hit in the face with a custard pie while collecting an honorary degree.

The tight-jeaned twat came close to inciting violence in a recent "humorous" Sun column, in which he warned cyclists:

"Do not pull up at junctions in front of a line of traffic. Because if I'm behind you, I will set off at normal speed and you will be crushed under my wheels.

"Do not, ever, swear at or curse people in cars or trucks. You are a guest on roads that are paid for by motorists so if we cut you up, shut up."

Warm greetings from cyclists everywhere to you Jeremy, and to all the other lemmings queueing in their cars at petrol stations up and down the country for a few litres of overpriced unleaded.

We'll be waving at you when you conk out at the side of the road because the pumps have run dry.